Her Serene Highness
by Rumour of an Alchemist
Summary: Zelena Motachi is condemned to the tedious life of a modern day eleven year old princess, when one day an owl acting in an odd fashion turns up outside the window... One-shot. Alternate Universe. Rated 'T'.


Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling. I do not own Harry Potter.

Note: The following one-shot is set at some point around Easter, 1991, and is centred around the daughter of (technically) the Empress of a small Pacific island-nation, who lives in London (the UK). Said Pacific island-nation is in no way, shape, or form, intended by me to be any actual 'real' world island-nation.

Further Note: This story is rated 'T', to be on the safe side.

* * *

Zelena Motachi (aged nearly eleven, but technically 'Her Serene Highness' and heir to the throne of a small Pacific island that was pretty much entirely a US armed forces base these days) had been staring out of the window for ten minutes wondering why there seemed to be an owl sitting on the sill with what looked to be a roll of parchment clutched in one claw.

It stared back at her through the bullet- (and apparently owl-) proof glass.

It appeared to be following her.

If she moved to a different room in the small but highly fortified Kensington residence in which she abode, then the owl turned up a few moments later on the windowsill of _that_ room. She'd tried drawing curtains, but when she'd peeked out through them again, the owl was still there.

She wondered if this was a French or KGB plot? Apparently the French and the KGB were always trying to kidnap her. That had something to do with the deal that her grandfather had signed with the US government back in the 1940's, and that what was technically her homeland was very nicely placed in the Pacific for any nation with air-forces and navies wanting somewhere to park their aeroplanes and ships. Not that Zelena had ever _seen_ her homeland.

Eventually, she cracked and went and told her mum, the Radiant Empress of a Thousand Suns (who was allowed to return 'home' once a year by the US military, to make what effectively amounted to a 'landlord's visit'), about the owl.

Her mum spoke with the police-protection officers and one of them went outside to investigate it.

"They won't _hurt_ it, will they, mum?" Zelena asked, worried. "If it's not a flying gas-bomb rigged to explode or anything?"

"It depends how much of a fight it puts up, I guess." Zelena's mum scrunched up her face thoughtfully.

Ten minutes later, the police-protection officer returned inside, with several scratches on his face.

"We've caught it." he announced. "The scroll it was carrying was addressed to your daughter ma'am." he addressed Zelena's mum. "We've sent for 'five' in case it contains anything poisonous. Someone obviously put a lot of effort into training that owl to try and get that scroll to your daughter. We think it was a particularly imaginative attempt to get something past the way we screen all your usual mail."

Sometimes people tried to send nasty things in the post to Zelena or her mum. Again, much of that was down to the French or the KGB. Consequently most post arrived at least a day later than it would have done otherwise – and frequently longer than that – and often showing signs of having been very heavily inspected.

Zelena went off to do some reading. Being a princess was a lot less exciting and a lot more lonely than a lot of books seemed to make out – maybe if she'd had any siblings, things would be more interesting, but her mother had apparently done whatever it was which resulted in children only the once with any success, and she never talked about Zelena's father except to say that he was 'the biggest liar' that her mum had ever met.

Half an hour later, there came a knock on the door of Zelena's room. She opened it to find the MI5 officer who insisted on being called 'Mr. Winkleman' there. That was interesting. He was someone quite senior, Zelena knew.

He was clutching a scroll sealed with a blob of wax. It looked like the one that the owl had been carrying.

"Ahem." he sounded quite embarrassed as he addressed Zelena. "Your highness: This is your Hogwarts letter, it turns out, and relatively safe."

"My what?" she stared at the scroll.

"Some of the odd things which occasionally happen around here…" Mr. Winkleman sounded _seriously_ embarrassed now. "It turns out that not all of them may have been foreign plots as we thought – only maybe ninety five out of every hundred of them – and that the rest may have been caused by _you_. It seems that you're" his embarrassment peaked, "a witch."

Zelena just stared.

* * *

Mr. Winkleman, Zelena, and Zelena's mother were in the 'secure room' (secure in most senses, including against almost any possibility of any conversation taking place within it being externally monitored) ten minutes later and trying to work out what was going on – and how it had happened? Obviously Zelena's mum was _not_ a witch, which posed the question of how Zelena did get to be one?

"He actually _didn't_ lie about the one thing." Zelena's mum said. "Zelena's father. He said something about being a wizard as his chat-up line."

"Do you have a name you would care to disclose, your Radiancy?" Mr. Winkleman asked. "We have officers whose speciality is to keep track of 'certain types of people', and we may be able to confirm if there _are_ any known wizards who might match a name and description."

"Gilderoy Lockhart." Zelena's mum said. And she then said more about Zelena's father than Zelena had ever heard before, whilst Mr. Winkleman looked as if he was taking mental notes.

"We'll look out for this 'Lockhart' fellow and in the meantime ask someone to get in touch with you to try to explain more about things." Mr. Winkleman said at the close of the interview. "Magical things." he added as if he felt it important to clarify what he meant.

"Do you have _any_ idea what this owl and scroll are about?" Zelena's mum asked. Zelena had still not yet had time to open the scroll since Mr. Winkleman handed it to her.

"There is a boarding school for witches and wizards in Scotland, called 'Hogwarts', to which it seems that your daughter has been invited." Mr. Winkleman said. "Those responsible for oversight of witches and wizards in this country apparently have means to identify all young witches and wizards on these shores, and take care to offer them the opportunity to attend a school which specialises in training students with magical talents. It's something outside of my area of effective operational knowledge, however, and all I can do is recommend that beyond reading anything written in that letter, you wait for us to locate and send to you an expert in such things."

* * *

MI5's 'expert' turned out to be a large, strangely dressed man (Zelena's mother said he looked 'a bit bohemian') who turned out to be called 'Horace Slughorn'. Apparently Horace Slughorn was a wizard, and delighted to meet Zelena.

"Ahem. If your daughter does not in fact wish to attend Hogwarts – or some equivalent foreign institution – I would be all too pleased, your Radiancy, to offer my own services as a private tutor." Horace Slughorn beamed at Zelena's mother. "I myself taught at Hogwarts for many years, and was entrusted with the position and responsibility of being the head of one of Hogwarts' four houses."

Horace Slughorn was able to 'translate' the Hogwarts letter for Zelena and her mother, explaining such things as what a galleon was (a form of currency) and roughly how much one was worth – this was important in the context of the costs of going to Hogwarts, though apparently the deputy headmistress of Hogwarts (whose name and position were at the bottom of the letter the owl had brought for Zelena) was prepared to offer Zelena a 'discount' on school fees on account of her being 'of royal lineage'. Horace Slughorn was also able to explain what the school's subjects involved, and who the staff were.

"It sounds highly impractical." Zelena's mum frowned. "What about geography? What about politics? What about foreign languages? Some day my daughter will be expected to follow in my steps and will have to do deals with the British and US military and governments. She will have to lead our people both back at home and in exile."

"Quite, quite." Horace Slughorn said. "Which you should, your Radiancy – particularly if you make known that you are considering Beauxbatons, in France, which has a curriculum much more orientated towards such topics – be able to use to _leverage_ Hogwarts into adopting a position more favourable to your interests for your daughter's education. Hogwarts no doubt would see great cachet in attracting your daughter to attend – there is very little actual _literal_ royalty amongst witches and wizards these days. I am sure that they would be _amenable_ , if you state your position and interests sufficiently clearly, to either adjusting their curriculum or laying-on additional private tuition."

"You think and speak like a diplomat, Mr. Slughorn." Zelena's mum narrowed her eyes and adopted her 'official' face.

"Quite, quite. I _was_ head of Slytherin at Hogwarts for good reason, your Radiancy." Horace Slughorn replied.

Horace Slughorn _also_ knew of a wizard called 'Gilderoy Lockhart'.

"He's improbably famous." Horace Slughorn said. "He was good at spinning tall stories when he was at Hogwarts, but mediocre at most forms of magic that were actually on the curriculum at the time, although he was very interested in memory modification magic. He tried to practise it on me a time or two – didn't work, since I'm a master of my own mind – but I thought it best to let him believe it had, so that he wouldn't try again, harder. Wouldn't be surprised at all if some of his exploits turned out to be in fact 'borrowed' from other witches and wizards, but he keeps the public entertained, and it makes for a quieter society if everyone's reading his latest book instead of maybe talking _politics_." Horace Slughorn shuddered here. "You have to understand, that the consequences of the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy – which basically means witches and wizards hide in general what they are from those humans who aren't – rather colour the politics of the magical communities of many nations, and once politics start being discussed _seriously_ , quite often fanatics make some headway with proposals to 'do something about those who keep us in hiding'. It makes things so much quieter and more pleasant all around if people are discussing the latest Lockhart novel, instead of the place of muggle-borns in society and whether or not Grindelwald or the most recent British dark lord were right? 'Bread and circuses', to keep the majority content and entertained, and Mr. Lockhart being a notable feature on the 'circuses' side of the equation, so to speak."

"So he's basically an 'entertainer'." Zelena's mother pursed her lips. "With all the lack of scruples that so frequently accompany men in that trade." She cast a sideways glance at Zelena. "You will _not_ seek to follow in your father's steps with such reckless amoral behaviour." She returned her attention to Horace Slughorn. "Has…" For one of the few times ever, Zelena saw her mum hesitate over something, before drawing a deep breath and going on: "Has Mr. Lockhart presumed to mention _me_ in any of these books he writes?"

"I couldn't say." Horace Slughorn replied. "They're not a form of literature to which I usually give more then a passing glance, but I could check for you, if you so wish?"

"Yes please, Mr. Slughorn. Now: coming back to this 'International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy', I would like a couple of things explained in greater detail…"

* * *

Author Notes:

When the protection officer refers to 'five' he means 'MI5'.

As far as this universe goes, I take the British security services to have some basic knowledge of the existence of witches and wizards, and to have a list of 'useful contacts' and advisors who they can call upon for more information about the magical world. Horace Slughorn, in a state of retirement from teaching by 1991 in this universe, has managed to get himself onto that list so as to extend his own roster of contacts/useful people into the muggle world.

As a Head of State, Zelena's mother technically might be entitled to have heard the basics herself about the existence of witches and wizards before the events of this story, but whichever magical bureaucracy _should_ have briefed her messed up and overlooked her, because she is a Head of State, 'in exile', and with no government to speak of.

At the time of writing I assumed for several reasons that, in common with regular boarding schools, canon Hogwarts in fact charges school fees (with _possibly_ something like a charity fund to pay for the education of pupils from poor/disadvantaged backgrounds). As far as this universe is concerned, irrespective of the canon situation, Hogwarts continues to charge school fees.

For the purposes of this story, I have assumed that Gilderoy Lockhart was a student at Hogwarts at some point during Horace Slughorn's initial tenure as a teacher there, so that Horace has some 'insider' knowledge regarding Gilderoy.

Zelena's mother was 'only' a princess (and heir to the throne) when Gilderoy Lockhart encountered her. Nonetheless, Gilderoy Lockhart's ego was greatly pleased by his 'up close and personal' encounter with royalty - sufficiently so that he _wanted_ her to remember him and their 'night of passion' together, and _obliviating_ her of any details never occurred to him. (And given her somewhat sheltered/protected existence prior to her encounter with Gilderoy, his seduction of Zelena's mother didn't actually call for anything other than his natural charisma and good looks.)

This story is posted as a one-shot.


End file.
